These Comedian quotes capture the humor, wit, and unique perspectives of some well-known comedians.
What is Comedian?
A comedian is a person who specializes in comedy and humor, often performing in front of an audience to entertain and make them laugh. Comedians use various forms of comedy, such as jokes, stand-up comedy, improvisation, sketches, and satire, to create laughter and amusement.
Comedians can work in different mediums, including stand-up comedy, television, film, radio, and the internet. They may explore a wide range of topics and styles in their comedy, including observational humor, political satire, slapstick, wordplay, and social commentary. Comedians often rely on their wit, timing, and comedic delivery to connect with their audience and elicit laughter.
Comedy has a long history and is an essential part of entertainment and culture in many societies. Comedians play a vital role in addressing social issues, challenging conventions, and providing much-needed humor and laughter to their audiences. They come from diverse backgrounds and bring their unique perspectives and personalities to their comedic performances.
Best Comedian quotes and sayings
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
- “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
- “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.” – Mitch Hedberg
- “The trouble with political jokes is that they often get elected.” – Will Rogers
- “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.” – Steven Wright
- “I’m so excited to be here. I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this.” – John Mulaney
- “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” – Woody Allen
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
- “The only time to be positive you have a clean windshield is when you’ve just washed your car, and then it rains.” – George Carlin
- “I never said most of the things I said.” – Yogi Berra
- “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West
- “When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws. Only catapults.” – Demetri Martin
- “I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.” – Woody Allen
- “I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
- “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright
- “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin
- “When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” – Emo Philips
- “My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.” – Rita Rudner
- “I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.” – Paula Poundstone
- “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin
- “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.” – Woody Allen
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Tommy Cooper
- “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
- “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
- “I don’t know if you know this, but if you yell ‘movie’ at a crowded firehouse, you’ll get in trouble.” – Josh Gondelman
- “I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that’s what he told us in the letter.” – Drew Carey
Comedian quotes funny – Funniest quotes by comedians
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
- “I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants.” – A. Whitney Brown
- “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.” – Mitch Hedberg
- “The trouble with political jokes is that they often get elected.” – Will Rogers
- “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.” – Steven Wright
- “I’m so excited to be here. I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this.” – John Mulaney
- “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” – Woody Allen
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
- “The only time to be positive you have a clean windshield is when you’ve just washed your car, and then it rains.” – George Carlin
- “I never said most of the things I said.” – Yogi Berra
- “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West
- “When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws. Only catapults.” – Demetri Martin
- “I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.” – Woody Allen
- “I’m not afraid of death. I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
- “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright
- “I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.” – Steve Martin
- “When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” – Emo Philips
- “My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.” – Rita Rudner
- “I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.” – Paula Poundstone
- “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin
- “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.” – Woody Allen
- “I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised.” – Tommy Cooper
- “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
- “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
- “I don’t know if you know this, but if you yell ‘movie’ at a crowded firehouse, you’ll get in trouble.” – Josh Gondelman
- “I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that’s what he told us in the letter.” – Drew Carey
These quotes are filled with humor and clever wordplay, characteristic of some of the funniest comedians in the business.
Inspirational quotes for comedians
- “Laughter is an instant vacation.” – Milton Berle
- “Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.” – Peter Ustinov
- “The best comedy is truth.” – Lenny Bruce
- “Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.” – Victor Borge
- “The power of laughter and joy is more contagious than you can imagine.” – Patch Adams
- “You can’t study comedy; it’s within you. It’s a personality. My humor is an attitude.” – Don Rickles
- “Comedy is defiance. It’s a snort of contempt in the face of fear and anxiety. And it’s the laughter that allows hope to creep back on the inhale.” – Will Durst
- “The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.” – Mark Twain
- “Comedy is acting out optimism.” – Robin Williams
- “Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.” – Victor Hugo
- “Your time is limited, don’t waste it living someone else’s life.” – Steve Jobs
- “Success is not the key to happiness. Happiness is the key to success. If you love what you are doing, you will be successful.” – Albert Schweitzer
- “Don’t be afraid to give up the good to go for the great.” – John D. Rockefeller
- “The only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs
- “The road to success and the road to failure are almost exactly the same.” – Colin R. Davis
- “Believe you can and you’re halfway there.” – Theodore Roosevelt
- “The only limit to our realization of tomorrow will be our doubts of today.” – Franklin D. Roosevelt
- “Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.” – Steve Jobs
- “The secret to getting ahead is getting started.” – Mark Twain
- “The biggest risk is not taking any risk. In a world that’s changing quickly, the only strategy that is guaranteed to fail is not taking risks.” – Mark Zuckerberg
- “Success is not just about making money. It’s about making a difference.” – Unknown
- “You have to stay true to your values, walk the path that you’re passionate about, and then the opportunities will come.” – Steve Jobs
- “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: It is the courage to continue that counts.” – Winston Churchill
- “The only thing that stands between you and your dream is the will to try and the belief that it is actually possible.” – Joel Brown
- “Believe in yourself and all that you are. Know that there is something inside you that is greater than any obstacle.” – Christian D. Larson
- “Don’t watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.” – Sam Levenson
- “The best way to predict the future is to create it.” – Peter Drucker
- “In the middle of every difficulty lies opportunity.” – Albert Einstein
- “You don’t have to be great to start, but you have to start to be great.” – Zig Ziglar
- “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll
These inspirational quotes emphasize the importance of humor, perseverance, and self-belief for comedians and anyone pursuing their dreams.
Famous comedian quotes
- “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” – Woody Allen
- “I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.” – Mitch Hedberg
- “Behind every great man, there is a woman rolling her eyes.” – Jim Carrey
- “The only time to be positive you have a clean windshield is when you’ve just washed your car, and then it rains.” – George Carlin
- “I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.” – Steven Wright
- “The trouble with political jokes is that they often get elected.” – Will Rogers
- “I don’t have a bank account because I don’t know my mother’s maiden name.” – Paula Poundstone
- “I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.” – Woody Allen
- “My mother buried three husbands, and two of them were just napping.” – Rita Rudner
- “You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.” – Bob Hope
- “When you have a fat friend, there are no see-saws. Only catapults.” – Demetri Martin
- “I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.” – Woody Allen
- “I was raised by just my mom. See, my father died when I was eight years old. At least, that’s what he told us in the letter.” – Drew Carey
- “The best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30% of their ice cream.” – Bill Murray
- “The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.” – Joan Rivers
- “I never said most of the things I said.” – Yogi Berra
- “I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.” – Steven Wright
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin
- “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “I’m so excited to be here. I’ve been on the road doing comedy for ten years now, so bear with me while I plaster on a fake smile and plow through this.” – John Mulaney
- “I’m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.” – Woody Allen
- “I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.” – Mae West
- “I’m writing an unauthorized autobiography.” – Steven Wright
- “If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.” – Steven Wright
- “I’m in shape. Round is a shape.” – George Carlin
- “I don’t know if you know this, but if you yell ‘movie’ at a crowded firehouse, you’ll get in trouble.” – Josh Gondelman
- “I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.” – Mitch Hedberg
- “I’m on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I’m gonna rip it off.” – Ellen DeGeneres
- “When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way, so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.” – Emo Philips
- “The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.” – Demetri Martin
These quotes showcase the wit and humor of some of the most famous comedians in history.
Comedian quotes about life
- “Life is like a sewer… what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.” – Tom Lehrer
- “Life is tough, and if you have the ability to laugh at it, you have the ability to enjoy it.” – Salma Hayek
- “Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.” – John Wayne
- “Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth.” – Mallory Hopkins
- “Life is like a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.” – Albert Einstein
- “Life is a shipwreck, but we must not forget to sing in the lifeboats.” – Voltaire
- “Life is a dream for the wise, a game for the fool, a comedy for the rich, a tragedy for the poor.” – Sholom Aleichem
- “Life is a tragedy when seen in close-up, but a comedy in long-shot.” – Charlie Chaplin
- “Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering—and it’s all over much too soon.” – Woody Allen
- “Life is a series of dogs.” – George Carlin
- “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon
- “Life is a mirror and will reflect back to the thinker what he thinks into it.” – Ernest Holmes
- “Life is like an elevator: on your way up, sometimes you have to stop and let some people off.” – Zig Ziglar
- “Life is too important to be taken seriously.” – Oscar Wilde
- “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” – Confucius
- “Life is just one damn thing after another.” – Elbert Hubbard
- “Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it.” – Charles R. Swindoll
- “Life is a long lesson in humility.” – James M. Barrie
- “Life is a journey that must be traveled no matter how bad the roads and accommodations.” – Oliver Goldsmith
- “Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.” – Maya Angelou
- “Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what’s going to happen next, and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.” – Stephen Colbert
- “Life is an adventure, and it’s not the destination we reach that’s most rewarding; it’s the journey along the way.” – Crystal Waters
- “Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” – Lao Tzu
- “Life is 10% what you make it and 90% how you take it.” – Irving Berlin
- “Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment, and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next.” – Gilda Radner
- “Life is a great big canvas, and you should throw all the paint on it you can.” – Danny Kaye
- “Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well.” – Jack London
- “Life is a constant oscillation between the sharp horns of dilemmas.” – H.L. Mencken
- “Life is an opportunity, benefit from it. Life is beauty, admire it. Life is a dream, realize it.” – Mother Teresa
- “Life is what you make it. Always has been, always will be.” – Eleanor Roosevelt
These quotes from various comedians and thinkers reflect different aspects of life, from its complexities to its simplicity, and the importance of humor and perspective in navigating it.
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